Commital of Ashes

Wilkesboro, NC, January 5, 2002

Reading

Read by Ben Roe

And I saw the river
over which every soul must pass
to reach the kingdom of heaven
and the name of that river was suffering -
and I saw the boat
which carries souls across the river
and the name of that boat was love.
-- St. John of the Cross, b. 1542

Meditation

My sister Phyllis was born 17 months after me. We grew up in Nebraska, where the kind of weather you have just had would not be unusual for this time of year which may explain why she lived in Atlanta for over a decade teaching, counseling, and learning.

She and Michael had talked of living in Hawaii, so when they got the chance to start the Samaritan Counseling Center of Hawaii, they were delighted. They loved Hawaii, with its weather, varied lands, peoples, and faiths, the sea, the culture.

But her ties to family were strong, so she allowed her ashes to be divided at family discretion, so that part of her remains could be scattered in her beloved Hawaii and part could be next to her beloved Michael and his family.

So today we finish yet another part of her journey of life.

Our dad was a woodworker as well as a United Methodist minister, and would have appreciated the craftsmanship of this container, just as her Heavenly Creator appreciated the craftsmanship of her life journey. (You can read highlights of her journey here.)

I found these paragraphs in a funeral meditation she gave. It contains common themes in several of the meditations I found in her files. It speaks to her faith in this life, its gifts and heartaches, and in death and its promises and fulfillments.

"Births and deaths, endings and beginnings, love and anger, togetherness and separation -- these are the rhythms of our lives. Beginnings, however, are often easier than endings. ...

"Death reminds us that life is never something we possess; it is a gift. May this moment remind us to always value, share and enjoy the great gift of life which God gives us.

"As Christians we know that all endings are only God's beginnings. Death is the end of life in this body, on this earth. But death also frees the soul to begin another, wider journey, home to God, life's completion. In the eloquent words of Herman Hesse, Death's hour too will send us out new-born toward undreamed-of lands; maybe life's call to us will never find an end ... Courage my heart, take leave and fare thee well.' ...

"When you feel the sadness and questions that grief brings, remember that human life is always imperfect and unfinished. We do what we can, knowing that God's love for us and God's mercy heals all that is broken and incomplete... What is sown in dishonor, is raised in glory; what is sown in weakness, is raised in power, what is sown as a physical body is raised as a spiritual body.' [Paul] God transforms the pain of this world into hope. In the hard moments, look to the world around you. God is with you in such tangible ways as a rainbow, a sign of promise and hope. I am your God and you are my people.' I am the beginning and the end.' Take courage with the Psalmist who wrote weeping tarries for the night, but joy comes in the morning.' And the God who has brought you this far will be with you always to love and strengthen you.

"Amen."

led by Maggie Roe

One: At the rising of the sun and at its going down
All: We will remember her.

One: At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter
All: We will remember her.

One: At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring
All: We will remember her.

One: At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer
All: We will remember her.

One: At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn
All: We will remember her.

One: At the beginning of the year and when it ends
All: We will remember her,
For she is now a part of us, as we remember her.

One: When we are weary and in need of strength
All: We will remember her.

One: When we are lost and sick at heart
All: We will remember her.

One: When we have joy and wish to share it
All: We will remember her.

One: When we have decisions that are difficult to make
All: We will remember her.

One: When we have achievements that are based on hers
All: We will remember her.

All: For as long as we live, she too will live.
For she is now a part of us as we remember her.

Commital prayer

Read by Rev. Chris Fitzgerals

Eternal God, you have shared with us the life of Phyllis Carol Roe.
Before she was ours, she was yours.
For all that Phyllis has given us to make us what we are,
for that of her which lives and grows in each of us,
and for her life that in your love will never end,
we give you thanks.
As now we offer Phyllis back into your arms,
comfort us in our loneliness,
strengthen us in our weakness,
and give us courage to face the future unafraid.
Draw those of us who remain in this life closer to one another,
make us faithful to serve one another,
and give us to know that peace and joy which is eternal life;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Benediction

Read by Rev. Chuck Byers

Now to the One who is able to keep you from falling,
and to make you stand without blemish
in the presence of God's glory with rejoicing,
to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord,
be glory, majesty, power, and authority,
before all time and now and forever. Amen.

BIOGRAPHY

The Rev. Dr. Phyllis C. Roe, executive director of the Samaritan Counseling Center of Hawai`i, was born September 23, 1947, in Dumas, Arkansas. She was raised in Nebraska, where her father was a Methodist minister.

She graduated from Nebraska Wesleyan University in 1969, Union Theological Seminary in New York City in 1972, and Candler School of Theology, Emory University, Atlanta, with a Doctor of Sacred Theology degree. She was the first woman in the Parish Internship Program at Zion-Reformed United Church of Christ/First United Methodist Church in Youngstown, PA, from 1972-1976. She completed a year of Advanced Clinical Pastoral Education in the student internship program at Grady Hospital in Atlanta.

In 1976 Phyllis was ordained a minister in the Nebraska Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church. She was a pastoral psychotherapist and a Fellow in the American Association of Pastoral Counselors. She was Chair of the Pacific Region and on the national board of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors, and has served on many significant committees and boards of the AAPC.

Phyllis served as Coordinator of Supervised Ministry at Candler School of Theology from 1976-1981, where she was also an Adjunct Professor. From 1982-1988 she was a counselor at the Georgia Association of Pastoral Counseling.

Phyllis was married to the Rev. Dr. Michael Anderson from Wilkesboro, NC, in 1980. He was the founding Executive Director of the Samaritan Counseling Center of Hawai`i; Phyllis was the Associate Director. The Center was the first interfaith counseling center in Hawai`i and offers counseling and therapy which is sensitive to all religious beliefs and traditions. The center also offers educational services for clergy, congregations and individuals. Upon Michael Anderson's sudden death in 1991, Phyllis became Executive Director. Under her leadership the Center expanded to include satellite centers at six sites on O`ahu and the island of Hawai`i. She was co-editor of the book "Reflections on Aging and Spiritual Growth," published in 1988.

Phyllis was an active member of the Rotary Club of Honolulu, and enjoyed music, sailing, and meditation. She was a worshiping member of Church of the Crossroads of Honolulu and was active in its common life.

During her most recent surgeries for repair of an aortic aneurism, hundreds of Phyllis' colleagues, friends and family around the world participated in a network of electronic mail, prayer and support. Her friends Linda Rich, Maxine Haun, and Toni White were a source of great support and care surrounding the surgeries. She died on June 30, 2001 in New York City following the second surgery.

Phyllis was a member of Halau Hula `O Kaho`oilina Aloha. Her Hawaiian name, given by her kumu hula, is Ka`onohiokalani, which means "the eyes of heaven."

(Photo is of Phyllis at Union Theological Seminary when she was in her 20s)