(Written in the fall of 1985)
"SPIRITUAL GIFTS LOST"
or
MY CHURCH HAS LOST SPIRITUAL GIFTS"
by J. Benjamin Roe
Ministry in Human Sexuality, Inc.
Tonight I cried. I grieved the loss to my church of the spiritual gifts of one of God's children. My church had no room for my friend, because he is different. My friend joined another church where he is openly wanted, welcomed, appreciated, and understood.
If my church had been open, we could have heard of his struggle of over 30 years to be included and his uniqueness affirmed. Time after time, church after church up to his teens, he was branded different. One Lutheran minister in an attempt to "heal" the differentness singled him out for special Bible study classes.
If my church had been willing to listen, we would have heard of his long-time, little-expressed dream of being a minister. We would have heard of his deep appreciation for God's little creations--the bugs, the flowers, the plants, the rocks. We could have heard him call the plants by their scientific names.
But my church is afraid of him. He looks a little different, acts a little different, believes a little different. We can't imagine God's love including his differentness in God's plan. You see, my friend openly affirms his sexuality--his gay sexuality.
In one United Methodist church, more recently, my friend was sitting in church with his wife (yes, homosexual people do marry) and heard the minister talk about how homosexuality is a danger to families. My friend, in order to retain his hard-won sense of dignity and composure, got up and left. We understand ourselves as one of the most inclusive and pluralistic denominations. Yet for the last 13 years we have debated heatedly whether those who are attracted to persons of the same sex can be included--not only in United Methodism, but in Christianity!
Our Social Principles now insist, for example, that homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching. Our statement on the ministry now says that self-avowed, practicing homosexuals are not to be admitted as candidates, ordained as ministers, or appointed to serve.
The spiritual gifts of many gay, lesbian, and bisexual men and women are lost to almost all churches because we in those churches are unwilling to listen. We are unwilling to learn about the full range of human sexuality, which includes homosexuality and bisexuality. We shut our ears by not listening to those who knock at our doors in their writings.
We shut our ears by not attending educational events. We shut our hearts by denying funds to any endeavor which might even sound like it might promote the acceptance of any sexuality different from our own. The spiritual path of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people can have a significance that could enrich us all. But because we don't listen, we miss some of the depth of our common spiritual journey, and our church is the poorer for it.
If my church, the United Methodist Church, had been willing to listen, we could have heard of my friend's latest journey to affirm his sexuality fully in the context of his spiritual journey. He has finally been able to celebrate his maleness, his combination of femininity and masculinity, and his gayness. He has found a new appreciation of his body which had long been a source of confusion and pain. We could have heard of my friend's growing understanding of his spirituality and his longing for communion with God. We would have heard his joy at finding God and a new wholeness in spirit, mind, and body. But we weren't open to hear.
Someday I hope this church that has given me my hopes and dreams, my faith perspective, the undergirding to my spirituality--someday I hope my church which has the possibility of being one of the most balanced spiritual and justice-seeking churches--someday I hope my church will open up eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to love, and perhaps even seek out those gay, lesbian and bisexual persons who so long ago went out of the church when they "came out" in the church.
The joy I find in my grief is that at last my friend is finally fully a part of the body of Christ, which transcends all our human denominations.
In the meantime, I commit myself, as one United Methodist minister under special appointment to Ministry in Human Sexuality, to listening to my gay, lesbian, and bisexual brothers and sisters, companion children of God. I commit myself to help all as best as I can, to go deep in their faith, to find that level of spiritual depth where we are all one in Christ--Jew and Greek, slave and free, male and female, "gay, straight, and bi."
If what I've said here has puzzled you or excited you, and you want to learn more about the spiritual journeys of gay and lesbian people, consider attending "Spirituality and Homosexual Persons: a Dialog Conference," February 28-March 1, 1986, in Lincoln. Keynote speaker will be Bishop Melvin Wheatley. There will be several different workshops on different aspects of the issue.
The event is planned for church members and spiritual searchers--clergy and lay, gay, lesbian and heterosexual, who want to explore the spiritual dimensions of the issue of homosexuality and homosexual experience.
For more information, write or call Interchurch Ministries of Nebraska, 215 Centennial Mall, South, Lincoln, 68508, or Ministry in Human Sexuality, Box 80122, Lincoln, 68501. The Conference has been planned cooperatively by a 3-denomination Joint Strategy Action Team on Ministry With Homosexual Persons and their Families through the Christian In Society Forum of Interchurch Ministries of Nebraska. The 3 denominations are United Methodist, Christian Church in Nebraska, and United Church of Christ. Also part of the planning has been Community of Grace, an Interdenominational Worshiping Community of Lesbians, Gays and Others Identified With Us. Other Co-sponsors include the Nebraska Conference Board of Church and Society, and the United Church of Christ Nebraska Conference Shalom on Earth Committee, Lutheran Metropolitan Ministries of Omaha, Ministry in Human Sexuality, and Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns
(Ministry in Human Sexuality is a counseling, education, and advocacy agency in Lincoln, Nebraska, dealing with a wide range of sexual issues, only one of which is homosexuality. Ben Roe is a pastoral counselor, educator, and executive director of "M.H.S." Note that MHS existed from 1981-1988.)
Published as
- “My Church Has Lost Spiritual Gifts,” The Nebraska Messenger, (United Methodist), 1986.
- “Spiritual Gifts Lost.” Open Hands, 1986.