The 80s – Comments at the "For Everyone Born" Convo, St. Louis, 2018
I'm one of the "B's" in the LGBTQIA+ alphabet. I should say that each letter in this alphabet came at some cost, even the “LG”!
I heard about Affirmation from Keith Spare whom I sought out, and went to my first Affirmation meeting in Dayton in 1979. I remember Michael Collins, an early leader, and Joan Clark, who had been ousted by the UMW when she came out in a report.
I also remember clearly my naivetè, not knowing much of the gay or lesbian cultures, and certainly not the wars in NYC between them and some who were identifying as bisexual. So when I identified myself as "bi" one of the leaders snapped, "bisexuality is not our agenda." Well, bisexuality wasn't really my agenda, either: it was finding folks who would understand my attractions to other men, and who shared my faith. So, I kept quiet and didn't use that term the rest of the meeting, nor any of the other meetings until several years later.
The paranoia back then was really high. After all, you could lose your job, your family, your support system, your career, and maybe even your life if you were found out. In some parts of the US and the world, this danger still exists. Suspicion was high when my spouse Maggie attended a meeting in Indianapolis with me: was she a Good News spy?
I was deeply affected by the story told by a young associate minister at one meeting. While he was away, the SPRC found out he was gay, changed the locks on the parsonage, and tossed his belongings out on the front lawn for him to discover when he got home. He was not given another appointment. Hearing his pain, heartbreak and devastation at having been outed and then ousted from his ministry made a huge impression on me. I was to hear stories like that for the next 30 years. Wesley's rule, “Do no harm,” was ignored when it came to dealing with us. It is still not honored even today.
I was given a copy of Blair Blurbs, the newsletter published by the United Methodist Gay Caucus for the 1976 General Conference, and learned about John Wesley's ministry with a young man in prison in England for being gay, and the flack he took from his fellow Holy Club members. I learned about Steve Webster, Keith Spare, and Rick Huskey, who were at the founding meeting of United Methodist Gay Caucus in 1975, and are here tonight. Also here are others who are here from those early days: Shirley Taylor, Beth Richardson, Mark Bowman, Randall Miller, Jan Olson-Henley and her wife Nancy. The meeting in Dayton followed up on a meeting in Dallas to change the name to Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian / Gay Concerns and to incorporate in Texas. I heard about Gene Leggett who'd been suspended from his ministry, and Paul Abels, pastor of Washington Square Church in NYC.
In fact, in 1980, a sexuality committee of the Rocky Mountain Conference sponsored a conference on homosexuality in Denver which featured Paul Abels preaching. We drove from Lincoln, Nebraska, to attend and met some wonderful folks.
Somewhere in these early years was an Affirmation meeting in Denver where I met a talented organist and pastor who introduced us to David's bar and me to a swim club in Aurora...
I heard stories about a couple of cheap hotels in which Affirmation gathered for a couple of General Conferences. These were the only ones that would accept us. One of them had an hourly rate option, even, and was so kind as to interrupt the meeting to ask if we wanted them to change the sheets...
The General Conference of 1980 was where Bishop Mel Wheatley refused to sign the Episcopal Address which used the “incompatibility” language of the Book of Discipline. The story of Julian Rush was another influence on me. Julian was--is--another talented musician, and was an education minister back then who wrote and directed musicals with kids. He was outed and told to leave his church. Bishop Wheatley reappointed him to a small urban church, which later became the third RC. Julian eventually founded Colorado AIDS Project. Both Mel and Julian received complaints. Both were resolved with no action: Julian's was dismissed for lack of evidence!
Also hugely significant was 1984, because that is when the Reconciling Congregation Program was introduced by Affirmation to GC delegates, after being developed by Mark Bowman, D.J. Porter, and Perry Wiggins. Four churches signed up within months: Washington Square in NYC, Fresno, California, St. Paul's in Denver and Wheadon in Evanston.
We missed several meetings, but were invited back for the 10th anniversary meeting of Affirmation at Wheadon UMC in Evanston. It was a really good and supportive time for us. Mary Gaddis and Judy Cayot met Maggie, befriended her and became an important source of support for her. The word "bisexual" was still not talked about, as I recall, and I had decided not to push the issue. Several years later, though, bisexual was added and then the work began to deal with the backlash from the local chapters. Peggy Gaylord, Mary Jo Osterman, Randy Miller and I did a program at a Washington DC meeting in 87 on Bisexuality which helped a bit.
The first Convo was in 1987 in Chicago. We vividly remember driving through Iowa in a blizzard with a heater that quit out of Omaha. I rigged up a hair dryer to the cigarette lighter which gave just enough heat to keep a 6-8" section of the windshield clear... But we were warmed and inspired by the gathering of like-minded folks who knew the issues and had our shared commitment to making the church a more inclusive and loving place.
By 1988, the GC approved yet another study on homosexuality, a commission which actually interviewed some homosexuals! But the recommendations of the commission were not accepted in 1992, and the negative language remained. The decade ended with 43 Reconciling Congregations and Affirmation having blessed the RCP as its own separate organization.