An article for the Affirmation Newsletter, Summer, 2019
By Ben Roe
I came into the Annual Conference plenary session last month and noticed the band was playing "Hotel California." I refreshed my memory of the words, "You can check out any time you like but you can never leave." I thought, that's like me with the United Methodist Church right now: I may check out of the UMC, but I can never leave the Methodist Way of following Jesus.
So here's my dilemma (and it may be like yours): do I stay and continue to resist the abuse of LGBTQIA people from those who seem to refuse to understand us? Do I stay and continue to resist the legalistic, literalistic, punitive laws put into place by the 2019 Special General Conference? Do I continue to subject myself to the abusive language and concepts, like "you're going to hell," "you deserve to have a millstone around your neck and thrown into the lake," and "we really love you but..."? And the abusive behavior based on these concepts, like bringing charges based on those laws?
Or, do I leave the abusive relationship so I can be more free to continue to live an authentic life, as a person whose values are so Wesleyan: grace, grace, and more grace, reflecting on issues of faith, life, and ethics using the four sources Wesley laid out: Scripture, Tradition, Reason, and Christian Experience? Oh, and the Wesley aphorisms like, "Do no harm," and "earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can." All these things are a part of who I am as someone born into the Methodist Way, and nurtured, challenged, encouraged, and supported by Methodists all along my journey of faith.
One person suggested another alternative (for those who are laity, at least): defecting in place, citing the study by Miriam Therese Winter of Christian feminists in a patriarchal institution. That is, getting your spiritual sustenance from more subversive sources like support groups and social action and service groups.
The problem is that I feel like my church has left me: changed almost beyond recognition into a church that
- doesn't appear to use all the tools of scriptural interpretation that my church taught me,
- doesn't appear to value research from the late 20th century on the tradition on same-sex relationships,
- doesn't appear to use the gifts of rational ethical reflection and scientific study and knowledge--
- and most of all, doesn't seem to want to listen deeply to the experience of faith from LGBTQIA Methodist believers.
My dilemma is also rooted in that most human of limitations: the inability to see the details of the future clearly, and to discern where God is moving. The "Traditionalists" have won their most important battle of the last 50 years and appear to have the votes to solidify their gains and plan to fully take over the United Methodist Church.
But even with this win, they have lost a significant portion of the UMC in the USA and Western and Northern Europe. Even with their wins, they don't have the power to handle the hundreds of complaints and church trials which are sure to follow if they are to have the kind of "pure" church they seek.
Yet, the winds of the Spirit are blowing in the UMC, with church after church, pastor after pastor, group after group, organization after organization all voicing their commitment to continue to welcome LGBTQIA people into full participation in their churches, celebrate their marriages, and support their ordination. What does the Holy Spirit have in store with all this ferment?
How can I be a part of this movement? Stay and resist, or leave and build something new? The Holy Spirit will be in both places.
This raises yet another alternative in my dilemma: stay and resist while building the more graceful and more truly Wesleyan movement.
So, perhaps it comes down to things like this: what do I have the time and energy to do? what does my heart (i.e., my deepest commitments) call me to do? Where are my skills, interests, and abilities most needed? Someone once said, “Where your talents and the needs of the world cross, there lies your vocation.” There is a world of need, for sure, and in the UMC for sure!
The decision must be made by each individual, in conversation with supportive friends and colleagues. For me, a lot depends on what happens in the next few months and what opportunities present themselves, and how they align with the above questions. Our decisions will be shaped by our life experiences, our tolerance for conflict, our ability to be graceful and respectful in the midst of sometimes heated debates, and other factors unique to each of us.
-- Ben Roe is a member of the Affirmation National Council and of the Western Methodist Justice Movement, a member of Arvada UMC in Colorado, graduate of Claremont, former UM minister, and former sexuality educator. His personal web site is JBenjaminRoe.com.